---
title: The Biggest Mistakes Couples Make Before Getting Married — 9 October 2026
description: Preparing for marriage? Learn the common mistakes couples make before the wedding and how honest conversations, clear expectations and premarital counselling can help.
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---
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# The Biggest Mistakes Couples Make Before Getting Married — 9 October 2026
Byron Werbeloff
Author
Oct 22, 2026, 5:22:21 AM
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**Page title:** Biggest Mistakes Couples Make Before Marriage | Premarital Counselling
**Meta description:** Preparing for marriage? Learn the common mistakes couples make before the wedding and how honest conversations, clear expectations and premarital counselling can help.
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---
# From the Counsellor’s Chair
## The Biggest Mistakes Couples Make Before Getting Married
### The Wedding Is Planned. Have You Prepared for the Marriage?
Engagement can be an exciting time. Couples plan the wedding, imagine their future home and look forward to starting a life together. With so much attention on the event itself, it is easy to leave important conversations for later.
Many couples do not enter marriage expecting problems. They assume that because they love each other, the practical details will work themselves out. But love does not automatically create shared expectations about money, children, household responsibilities, family boundaries or how conflict should be handled.
The purpose of discussing these issues before marriage is not to make you suspicious of your relationship. It is to help you understand each other, identify differences and make thoughtful decisions before those differences become recurring sources of resentment.
### 1. Assuming Love Will Solve Every Problem
Love is important, but it does not automatically teach two people how to communicate, make decisions or share responsibilities. Couples can care deeply about each other and still approach money, family, work or conflict in very different ways.
Instead of assuming everything will work out, discuss how you will handle the practical parts of life. Ask each other what a good marriage looks like, what each of you needs to feel respected and what you will do when you disagree.
A useful question is: “What do we need to learn or agree on so that we can work through difficulties as a team?”
### 2. Avoiding Uncomfortable Conversations
Some couples avoid discussing children, finances, sex, faith, family boundaries or long-term goals because they do not want to spoil a happy period in their relationship. Others fear that raising a concern will start an argument or reveal a difference they would rather not face.
Avoidance does not resolve a difference; it simply delays finding out how important it is. You do not have to settle every question immediately, but you should be able to discuss it honestly and respectfully.
Set aside time for conversations that are not part of wedding planning. Discuss the subjects that will shape your everyday life after the celebration is over.
### 3. Believing Your Partner Will Change After the Wedding
It is risky to marry someone based on the assumption that they will become more responsible, less jealous, more financially careful, more affectionate or more willing to have children once you are married.
People can grow and change, but lasting change usually requires willingness, effort and consistent behaviour. Talk about concerns as they exist now, rather than relying on a future version of your partner.
Ask yourself whether you can accept the person and circumstances as they currently are, while recognising that both of you may continue to develop. If an issue is fundamental to your future, do not treat it as a minor detail that marriage will automatically fix.
### 4. Leaving Money and Financial Expectations Unclear
Financial disagreements often begin with unspoken assumptions. One partner may expect to combine all income, while the other expects to keep separate accounts. One may see lending money to relatives as an obligation; the other may see it as a decision that requires joint agreement.
Before marriage, discuss income, debt, saving, spending, borrowing, lending, luxuries, financial support for family and how you will make large purchases. Agree on how transparent you will be and how often you will review your finances.
South African couples should also understand their matrimonial property regime and obtain appropriate legal advice before signing an antenuptial contract. Premarital counselling can help you discuss the expectations behind the decision, but it does not replace advice from a qualified legal professional.
### 5. Assuming Household Responsibilities Will Divide Themselves
It can sound fair to say, “We will just help each other when we can.” In practice, this can leave both partners believing they are doing more than their share, especially when the planning and remembering behind tasks are not visible.
Discuss who will be responsible for cooking, cleaning, groceries, bills, repairs, arranging contractors, pet care and childcare if you have children. Talk about what a reasonably clean home means to each of you and how tasks will be handled when one person is busy, ill or under pressure.
Clear responsibility does not mean refusing to help. It means each task has an agreed owner who makes sure it is handled, so neither person assumes the other will notice or organise it. Review the arrangement when circumstances change.
### 6. Expecting Your Partner to Read Your Mind
A partner may believe that if they are loved, the other person should know what they need without being told. This can create disappointment when expectations remain unspoken.
Explain what helps you feel supported, what behaviour hurts you and what you need when you are stressed. Ask your partner the same questions. Be specific rather than relying on hints, silence or tests to see whether the other person notices.
Clear requests give both people a better chance of understanding each other. Your partner is not expected to guess perfectly, and you are not expected to know every need without discussion.
### 7. Treating Disagreement as Proof That You Are Incompatible
Two people can have different opinions without being wrong for each other. The important question is whether they can discuss differences respectfully, negotiate where possible and recognise which values are non-negotiable.
Some disagreements concern preferences, such as how to spend a weekend. Others concern major life choices, such as whether to have children, where to live or how to manage money. These deserve different levels of attention.
Do not ignore fundamental differences just to keep the relationship peaceful. Equally, do not assume every difference means the relationship cannot work. Explore what the difference means, what compromise would involve and whether both partners can live with the outcome.
### 8. Failing to Discuss Boundaries With Family and Friends
Marriage can change the way a couple relates to parents, siblings, friends and extended family. If expectations are not discussed, one partner may feel that relatives have too much influence, while the other feels pressured to choose between family and spouse.
Talk about visits, holidays, privacy, family advice, financial support and what information stays within the relationship. Agree on how you will respond if someone disrespects either partner or interferes in decisions that belong to the couple.
Standing together does not mean cutting off family or agreeing with each other on everything. It means handling outside pressure respectfully and not humiliating each other to gain approval from others.
### 9. Ignoring the Way You Handle Conflict
During the early stages of a relationship, couples may focus on how well they get along when things are easy. It is equally important to understand what happens when one person is disappointed, stressed or angry.
Notice whether either of you tends to criticise, withdraw, raise your voice, become defensive or bring up old issues. These patterns are not a reason to label someone permanently, but they are worth discussing before they become established habits.
Agree on ways to pause an escalating conversation, return to it at a clear time, apologise when necessary and make practical changes. Conflict should not involve threats, intimidation or humiliation. Where abuse or coercion is present, safety and appropriate individual support take priority.
### 10. Assuming You Will Make Time for Each Other Automatically
After marriage, work, chores, children, finances and family responsibilities can fill the day. Couples may end up discussing only what needs to be done, rather than how they are feeling or what is happening in each other’s lives.
Create a small daily habit of checking in, even if it starts with five minutes. Ask about your partner’s day, feelings, concerns and experiences—not only the household schedule. Also protect time for shared activities and affection that suit both of you.
Connection is easier to maintain when it is part of the routine, rather than something couples attempt only after they notice emotional distance.
### 11. Assuming One Partner Should Carry the Relationship
A marriage becomes unbalanced when one person is expected to initiate every conversation, manage the household, maintain closeness, organise finances and resolve every disagreement. One partner may be more skilled in a particular area, but that does not mean they should carry the entire responsibility.
Discuss each person’s strengths and weaknesses and agree on who is best placed to lead particular tasks or decisions. Both partners should retain a voice, take responsibility for their own behaviour and be willing to help the relationship improve.
The aim is shared responsibility, not identical contributions in every area. Fairness is about making the overall arrangement workable and respectful for both people.
### One Plus One Equals Three: Prepare to Build Together
At Centred Counselling & Mediation, “One Plus One Equals Three” describes the potential for two people to combine their strengths and create a partnership that is more capable than either person working alone.
One partner may be detail-oriented, while the other sees the bigger picture. One may be good at budgeting, while the other is skilled at organising practical tasks. These differences can become strengths when they are recognised, discussed and used in a way that benefits both people.
This does not mean one partner is superior or that one person should control the relationship. It means making room for the person with relevant strengths to contribute, while both partners remain involved in decisions that affect their shared life.
Premarital counselling can help couples turn this philosophy into practical agreements about communication, money, responsibilities, boundaries and how they will handle difficult periods.
### How Premarital Counselling Can Help
Premarital counselling provides a structured opportunity to discuss expectations before the wedding. It can help couples raise difficult topics, understand differences, practise communication and identify areas where they need clearer agreements.
It is not a guarantee of marital success, and it should not pressure a couple to proceed with a wedding if serious concerns remain unresolved. The goal is to make informed decisions and enter marriage with greater awareness of each other and the work a partnership requires.
If you are preparing to get married, counselling can help you discuss these subjects in a balanced setting and decide what practical steps would support your relationship.
### Frequently Asked Questions
#### Is it normal to have concerns before getting married?
Yes. Major life decisions can bring questions and uncertainty. What matters is whether you can discuss concerns honestly, understand their significance and make decisions without pressure.
#### Should we resolve every issue before the wedding?
Not every issue can be resolved in advance, and circumstances will change. However, major differences and recurring concerns should not be ignored or assumed to disappear after marriage.
#### What if we disagree about children or finances?
Explore the difference carefully. Some disagreements can be negotiated; others may affect fundamental life plans. Consider whether you can reach an agreement that both genuinely accept, and seek appropriate professional advice where needed.
#### Does premarital counselling mean our relationship is in trouble?
No. Many couples use it as preparation. It offers space to discuss expectations and develop skills before a crisis occurs.
#### Can counselling tell us whether we should get married?
A counsellor can help you explore compatibility, expectations and concerns, but the decision belongs to the couple. The process should support informed, voluntary decision-making rather than push you toward a predetermined outcome.
### Prepare for the Marriage, Not Only the Wedding
The aim is not to enter marriage without doubts, differences or weaknesses. It is to enter with a willingness to communicate honestly, take responsibility, make practical agreements and work together when life becomes difficult.
If you are preparing for marriage, premarital counselling at Centred Counselling & Mediation in Sunninghill, Sandton, can help you have these conversations and build a clearer foundation for the life you want to create together.
Let’s get you back on track!
**Tagged with:** [Relationship](https://www.centredcounselling.co.za/centred-counselling-blog/tag/relationship)
#### Byron Werbeloff
KEEP READING
## Related Articles
[](https://www.centredcounselling.co.za/centred-counselling-blog/why-love-isnt-enough-for-a-successful-marriage-premarital-counselling)
Oct 22, 2026, 5:26:03 AM Byron Werbeloff
### [Why Love Isn’t Enough for a Successful Marriage | Premarital Counselling](https://www.centredcounselling.co.za/centred-counselling-blog/why-love-isnt-enough-for-a-successful-marriage-premarital-counselling)
**Biggest Mistakes Before Marriage email moved to Checked off.**
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[](https://www.centredcounselling.co.za/centred-counselling-blog/why-are-south-africans-getting-married-later)
Sep 22, 2026, 10:55:27 AM Byron Werbeloff
### [Why Are South Africans Getting Married Later?](https://www.centredcounselling.co.za/centred-counselling-blog/why-are-south-africans-getting-married-later)
# Why Are South Africans Getting Married Later?
*From the Counsellor’s Chair*
One of the things I have noticed, both in my work as a...
[READ FULL ARTICLE](https://www.centredcounselling.co.za/centred-counselling-blog/why-are-south-africans-getting-married-later)
[](https://www.centredcounselling.co.za/centred-counselling-blog/lgbtq-mental-health-anxiety-depression-and-support-centred-counselling)
Oct 22, 2026, 4:48:05 AM Byron Werbeloff
### [LGBTQ+ Mental Health: Anxiety, Depression and Support | Centred Counselling](https://www.centredcounselling.co.za/centred-counselling-blog/lgbtq-mental-health-anxiety-depression-and-support-centred-counselling)
**Relationships and Family Pressure email moved to Checked off.**
[READ FULL ARTICLE](https://www.centredcounselling.co.za/centred-counselling-blog/lgbtq-mental-health-anxiety-depression-and-support-centred-counselling)
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