--- title: How to Console Your Best Friend | Centred Counselling description: Learn how to comfort a friend who is hurting, with practical do’s and don’ts for listening, validating feelings and offering meaningful emotional support. image: https://www.centredcounselling.co.za/hubfs/How_to_Console_Your_Best_Friend_under_100KB%20%281%29.webp --- 1332 Naivasha Road, Sunninghill [info@centredcounselling.co.za](mailto:info@centredcounselling.co.za) [084 485 3541](https://wa.me/27844853541) [![Centred Counselling](https://www.centredcounselling.co.za/hs-fs/hubfs/logo.jpeg?width=1254&height=1254&name=logo.jpeg "Centred Counselling")](https://www.centredcounselling.co.za/) - [Home](https://www.centredcounselling.co.za) - [About Me](https://www.centredcounselling.co.za/about-me) - [Articles](https://www.centredcounselling.co.za/article) - [Counselling](https://www.centredcounselling.co.za/counselling) - [All Counselling Services](https://www.centredcounselling.co.za/counselling) - [ADHD Counselling](https://www.centredcounselling.co.za/adhd-counselling-sunninghill) - [Anger Management](https://www.centredcounselling.co.za/anger-management-sunninghill) - [Chronic Pain Counselling](https://www.centredcounselling.co.za/chronic-pain-counselling-centred-counselling) - [Grief Counselling](https://www.centredcounselling.co.za/grief-counselling-sunninghill) - [LGBTQ+](https://www.centredcounselling.co.za/lgbtq-counselling-in-sandton-centred-counselling-mediation) - [Marriage Counselling](https://www.centredcounselling.co.za/marriage-counselling-in-sunninghill-sandton-centred-counselling) - [Porn Addiction](https://www.centredcounselling.co.za/porn-addiction-counselling-in-sandton-centred-counselling) - [Premarital Counselling](https://www.centredcounselling.co.za/premarital-counselling-in-sunninghill-sandton-centred-counselling) - [Relationship Counselling](https://www.centredcounselling.co.za/relationship-counselling-in-sunninghill-centred-counselling) - [Mediation](https://www.centredcounselling.co.za/mediation) - [Video Resources](https://www.centredcounselling.co.za/mental-health-vlogs-video-resources) - [Contact](https://www.centredcounselling.co.za/contact-us) - [Book NOW](https://www.centredcounselling.co.za/booking) [BOOK NOW](https://www.centredcounselling.co.za/booking) [WHATSAPP US](https://wa.me/27844853541) [Relationship](https://www.centredcounselling.co.za/centred-counselling-blog/tag/relationship) # How to Console Your Best Friend | Centred Counselling ![Byron Werbeloff](https://app.hubspot.com/settings/avatar/ba4159e92c43064d452e5339105bc02b) Byron Werbeloff Author Oct 2, 2026, 2:14:18 AM ![One friend sitting beside another and offering comfort during a difficult time.](https://www.centredcounselling.co.za/hubfs/How_to_Console_Your_Best_Friend_under_100KB%20%281%29.webp) How to Console Your Best Friend: The Do’s and Don’ts of Supporting Someone Who Is Hurting From the Counsellor’s Chair When your best friend is hurting, one of the first things you may want to do is make them feel better. You want to take the pain away. You want to give them advice. You want to tell them that everything is going to be okay. And sometimes, without meaning to, we end up saying things that make our friend feel even more alone. The reality is that when someone we care about is going through something difficult, we don't always need to fix the problem. Sometimes, the most valuable thing we can offer is our presence. Whether your friend has experienced a breakup, lost someone they love, been rejected, lost their job, received difficult news or is simply having a terrible time emotionally, knowing how to respond can make a significant difference. # The First Rule: Don't Try to Fix Everything One of the biggest mistakes people make when comforting someone is immediately trying to solve the problem. Your friend tells you: “I can't believe she left me.” And you respond: “You deserve better. Forget her. Let's go out tonight.” You may mean well. But you have moved straight from emotion to solution. Your friend may not be looking for a solution yet. They may simply need someone to acknowledge that what they're experiencing hurts. A useful principle in counselling is emotional validation. Validation doesn't mean agreeing with everything someone says. It means communicating: “I understand why you feel the way you feel.” # The Do's ## 1. Do Listen Before You Give Advice Sometimes the best thing you can say is: “Tell me what happened.” Then listen. Don't immediately interrupt with your own experience. Don't start planning what they should do. Don't mentally prepare your response while they're talking. Actually listen. Your friend may need to tell the same story several times. That's okay. ## 2. Do Validate Their Feelings You don't have to agree with every decision your friend has made. You can still validate their emotional experience. Try: “I can understand why that hurt you.” “That sounds incredibly difficult.” “I can see why you're feeling overwhelmed.” “It makes sense that you're angry.” ## 3. Do Ask What They Need One of the simplest—and most effective—questions you can ask is: “Do you want me to listen, or do you want my advice?” Sometimes they want advice. Sometimes they want reassurance. Sometimes they want distraction. Sometimes they simply want someone sitting beside them. Don't assume. Ask. ## 4. Do Be Comfortable With Silence You don't always have to fill the silence. If your friend is crying, you don't necessarily need to start talking. You can sit next to them. Give them a hug if they're comfortable with physical affection. Make them tea. Sit quietly. Sometimes your presence communicates more than a carefully constructed sentence ever could. ## 5. Do Check In Again Later One of the most meaningful things you can do is remember. The initial crisis often receives a lot of attention, but a few weeks later everyone starts returning to normal life. Your friend may still be hurting. Send a message: “I've been thinking about you. How are you doing today?” ## 6. Do Offer Practical Help When someone is emotionally overwhelmed, even ordinary tasks can feel difficult. Instead of saying “Let me know if you need anything,” sometimes be specific: “I'm going to the shops. What can I get you?” “I'll come over and make dinner.” “Do you want me to drive you to the appointment?” ## 7. Do Respect Their Way of Coping Not everyone grieves or processes difficult experiences in the same way. Your friend may want to talk, be alone, exercise, watch movies, cry or need a distraction. Unless their behaviour is becoming dangerous or seriously harmful, try not to impose your own coping style on them. # The Don'ts ## 1. Don't Say “Everything Happens for a Reason” This is usually intended to provide comfort but can have the opposite effect. When someone has experienced something painful, telling them that it happened for a reason can feel dismissive. You don't know whether there is a reason, and you don't need to find one. ## 2. Don't Compare Their Pain to Someone Else's Avoid: “At least you still have...” “My friend went through something much worse.” “You think this is bad? Wait until...” Pain isn't a competition. Your friend's suffering doesn't become less important because somebody else has experienced something more severe. ## 3. Don't Make Their Pain About You When your best friend is hurting, this conversation is about them—not you. It can be tempting to respond to their experience by telling them about something similar that happened to you. Sometimes that can be helpful, but there is a time and place for sharing your own experience. If your friend is crying about a breakup, don't immediately start telling them about your own breakup. If they're grieving, don't turn the conversation into your story about losing someone. If they're struggling with anxiety, don't immediately explain how anxious you have been. You may genuinely understand what they're going through, but the purpose of this conversation is to support them. You're here for them. This doesn't mean you can never share your own experiences. It means you need to recognise when the conversation is their space to be heard. Sometimes the most supportive response isn't to tell them about your experience at all. It's simply: “I'm listening. Tell me what you're going through.” ## 4. Don't Badmouth the Person Who Hurt Them This is particularly important when your friend has relationship problems. You may absolutely hate their ex, but be careful about saying: “I've always hated him.” “She's a terrible person.” “I told you they were no good.” Your friend may still love that person. They may eventually reconcile. You can support your friend without declaring war on the other person. ## 5. Don't Pressure Them to “Move On” There is no universal timetable for emotional recovery. Statements such as “You need to get over this” or “It's been months” generally create shame rather than healing. Instead: “I'm here while you're working through this.” ## 6. Don't Force Them to Talk Listening is important, but that doesn't mean interrogating someone. Sometimes someone isn't ready. You can say: “You don't have to talk about it. I'm here if you want to.” That gives them control. ## 7. Don't Disappear Because You Don't Know What to Say This is probably one of the biggest mistakes people make. They think: “I don't know what to say, so I'll leave them alone.” Your friend doesn't necessarily need the perfect words. They may simply need to know that you are there. You can literally say: “I don't know what to say, but I don't want you to go through this alone.” # What If Your Friend Is Crying? Let them cry. Crying isn't something you necessarily need to stop. You don't need to say: “Don't cry.” You can say: “It's okay. I'm here.” If they're comfortable with physical affection, a hug can help. If they don't want to be touched, respect that too. The goal isn't to stop the emotional response. The goal is to help your friend feel safe enough to experience it. # What If They Keep Talking About the Same Thing? This can be frustrating when you're watching someone you love suffer. You may think: “We've spoken about this twenty times.” But repetition can be part of processing. Your friend may be trying to understand what happened. They may be looking at the situation from different angles. They may be struggling to accept the reality of it. You don't necessarily have to provide a new answer every time. Sometimes: “I know. It still really hurts.” is enough. # When Your Friend Needs More Than a Friend Being someone's best friend doesn't mean becoming their therapist. You can provide emotional support without taking responsibility for their entire mental health. If your friend is becoming increasingly withdrawn, unable to function, experiencing severe or persistent hopelessness, misusing substances, or talking about wanting to die or hurt themselves, professional support becomes particularly important. If they are in immediate danger, don't leave them alone and seek urgent professional or emergency assistance. You can be there for them and recognise when the situation requires more support than friendship alone can provide. # Sometimes Friendship Is About Staying We often think that being a good friend means knowing exactly what to say. I don't think it does. Sometimes being a good friend means staying when you don't know what to say. Sitting beside someone who is crying. Making them dinner. Answering the phone at 2 a.m. Sending a message the next morning. Remembering the difficult anniversary. Listening to the same story again. And occasionally saying: “You don't have to go through this alone.” That's what emotional support really looks like. # The Takeaway When your best friend is hurting, your instinct may be to fix the problem. But sometimes the most helpful thing you can do is something much simpler: Listen. Validate. Ask what they need. Stay present. You don't need to have all the answers. You don't need to make their pain disappear. And you certainly don't need to find the perfect words. Sometimes your friend doesn't need you to fix their world. They just need to know that you're willing to sit with them while their world feels broken. # Let’s get you back on track! **Centred Counselling & Mediation** **Byron Werbeloff** Specialist Wellness Counsellor & Mediator If you are struggling to support someone you care about, counselling can provide a safe space to understand your own emotions and develop healthier ways of coping and communicating. **Centred Counselling & Mediation** 1332 Naivasha Road, Sunninghill, Sandton, 2191 084 485 3541 www.centredcounselling.co.za In-person sessions in Sunninghill and online sessions available. **Tagged with:** [Relationship](https://www.centredcounselling.co.za/centred-counselling-blog/tag/relationship) ![Byron Werbeloff](https://app.hubspot.com/settings/avatar/ba4159e92c43064d452e5339105bc02b) #### Byron Werbeloff KEEP READING ## Related Articles [![An empty side of a double bed with a pillow and neatly folded bedding.](https://www.centredcounselling.co.za/hubfs/The_Empty_Side_of_the_Bed_under_100KB.webp)](https://www.centredcounselling.co.za/centred-counselling-blog/-the-empty-side-of-the-bed-loss-of-a-partner) Oct 2, 2026, 2:27:40 AM Byron Werbeloff ### [Coping With the Loss of a Partner | Centred Counselling](https://www.centredcounselling.co.za/centred-counselling-blog/-the-empty-side-of-the-bed-loss-of-a-partner) The Empty Side of the Bed: Coping With the Loss of a Partner [READ FULL ARTICLE](https://www.centredcounselling.co.za/centred-counselling-blog/-the-empty-side-of-the-bed-loss-of-a-partner) [![A person sitting quietly beside a window, holding a photograph of a loved one.](https://www.centredcounselling.co.za/hubfs/When_Grief_Comes_Later_Old_Man_under_100KB.webp)](https://www.centredcounselling.co.za/centred-counselling-blog/when-grief-comes-later-understanding-delayed-grief) Oct 2, 2026, 2:32:37 AM Byron Werbeloff ### [Understanding Delayed Grief | Centred Counselling](https://www.centredcounselling.co.za/centred-counselling-blog/when-grief-comes-later-understanding-delayed-grief) When Grief Comes Later: Understanding Delayed Grief [READ FULL ARTICLE](https://www.centredcounselling.co.za/centred-counselling-blog/when-grief-comes-later-understanding-delayed-grief) [![A lit candle beside a framed photograph in remembrance of a loved one.](https://www.centredcounselling.co.za/hubfs/When_Someone_You_Love_Dies_by_Suicide_under_100KB.webp)](https://www.centredcounselling.co.za/centred-counselling-blog/when-someone-you-love-dies-by-suicide) Oct 2, 2026, 2:21:22 AM Byron Werbeloff ### [Grief After Suicide Loss | Centred Counselling](https://www.centredcounselling.co.za/centred-counselling-blog/when-someone-you-love-dies-by-suicide) When Someone You Love Dies by Suicide: Understanding the Grief and Finding a Way Forward [READ FULL ARTICLE](https://www.centredcounselling.co.za/centred-counselling-blog/when-someone-you-love-dies-by-suicide) ![Centred Counselling](https://www.centredcounselling.co.za/hubfs/raw_assets/public/centredc2/images/logo1.png) Empowering individuals and couples through evidence-based counselling and mediation. Registered ASCHP professional (WC24/9024). Quick Links - [Home](https://www.centredcounselling.co.za) - [About Me](https://www.centredcounselling.co.za/about-me) - [Articles](https://www.centredcounselling.co.za/article) - [Counselling](https://www.centredcounselling.co.za/counselling) - [Mediation](https://www.centredcounselling.co.za/mediation) - [Video Resources](https://www.centredcounselling.co.za/mental-health-vlogs-video-resources) - [Contact](https://www.centredcounselling.co.za/contact-us) - [Book NOW](https://www.centredcounselling.co.za/booking) Resources - [FAQ](https://www.centredcounselling.co.za/counselling#faq) - [FAQ Mediation](https://www.centredcounselling.co.za/mediation#faq) - [Downloads](https://www.centredcounselling.co.za/article#resources) - [Cookie Policy](https://www.centredcounselling.co.za/terms-conditions-policies#cookies) - [Privacy Policy](https://www.centredcounselling.co.za/terms-conditions-policies#privacy) - [Terms and Conditions](https://www.centredcounselling.co.za/terms-conditions-policies#terms) Get in Touch Call Us [084 485 3541](tel:0844853541) WhatsApp [Chat with us](https://wa.me/27844853541) Email Us [info@centredcounselling.co.za](mailto:info@centredcounselling.co.za) © 2026 Centred Counselling & Mediation. All rights reserved. [Design by SEO Website Design](https://www.seowebsitedesign.co.za) [Chat with us](https://wa.me/27844853541) ```json { "@context" : "https://schema.org", "@type" : "BlogPosting", "author" : { "@type" : "Person", "name" : "Byron Werbeloff", "url" : "https://www.centredcounselling.co.za/centred-counselling-blog/author/byron-werbeloff" }, "dateModified" : "2026-10-02T06:15:20.809Z", "datePublished" : "2026-10-02T06:14:18.000Z", "headline" : "How to Console Your Best Friend | Centred Counselling", "image" : [ "https://www.centredcounselling.co.za/hubfs/How_to_Console_Your_Best_Friend_under_100KB%20%281%29.webp" ], "mainEntityOfPage" : { "@id" : "https://www.centredcounselling.co.za/centred-counselling-blog/how-to-console-your-best-friend", "@type" : "WebPage" }, "publisher" : { "@type" : "Organization", "logo" : { "@type" : "ImageObject", "url" : "https://www.centredcounselling.co.za/hubfs/logo.jpeg" }, "name" : "Centred Counselling" } } ``` ```json { "@context": "https://schema.org", "@type": "LocalBusiness", "name": "Centred Counselling & Mediation", "image": "https://www.centredcounselling.co.za/hubfs/logo1.png", "@id": "https://www.centredcounselling.co.za", "url": "https://www.centredcounselling.co.za", "telephone": "0844853541", "email": "info@centredcounselling.co.za", "address": { "@type": "PostalAddress", "streetAddress": "153A 9th Avenue", "addressLocality": "Highlands North", "addressRegion": "Johannesburg", "postalCode": "2192", "addressCountry": "ZA" }, "geo": { "@type": "GeoCoordinates", "latitude": -26.1368, "longitude": 28.0841 }, "openingHoursSpecification": { "@type": "OpeningHoursSpecification", "dayOfWeek": [ "Monday", "Tuesday", "Wednesday", "Thursday", "Friday" ], "opens": "08:00", "closes": "18:00" }, "sameAs": [ "https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=61573738539849", "https://www.instagram.com/centred_counselling/", "https://www.linkedin.com/in/byron-werbeloff-475bb251/", "https://www.tiktok.com/@centred.counselli" ], "founder": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Byron Werbeloff", } } ```